"What Do You Do?" The Question That Haunts Stay-at-Home Moms
And why we need to change the conversation!
One of the most loaded questions a stay-at-home mom can be asked is:
“What do you do?”
For years, I struggled with my response.
I’m not working right now.
I’m a stay-at-home mom.
I run operations for my household.
What do I NOT do?
I’m just a mom.
Each version felt inadequate as if I needed external validation for my time spent outside of the traditional workforce. And in every conversation, there was that inevitable pause - the awkward silence before someone reassured me, Of course, that’s a job too!
But here’s the thing: I never needed someone else to validate my role. I needed to validate it for myself.
Momployment Is a Choice - Not a Privilege
Before having kids, I was a Service Designer. My days were filled with research, facilitating workshops, and helping businesses identify gaps in their customer experience. I was in my element, delivering impactful work right up until I went on maternity leave.
And then, everything changed.
Holding my newborn daughter in my arms, I realized that no amount of preparation could have readied me for the all-consuming reality of motherhood. I was smitten, overwhelmed, exhausted, and completely hooked. When my six-month maternity leave ended, my daughter was reaching new milestones daily, and I wasn’t ready to miss them. So, despite all the uncertainties - our immigration status, finances, and the weight of being a one-income household - I chose to stay home.
And let’s be clear: It was a choice, not a privilege.
The world talks about stay-at-home motherhood as if it’s a luxury, a break, or a secondary role. But there was nothing luxurious about running an entire household with no support system. There was no paid leave, no structured work hours, and no performance bonuses for successfully teaching a tiny human how to eat, sleep, or navigate the world.
Yet, somehow, society still doesn’t see this as “real work.”
Motherhood Is the Ultimate Leadership Training
When we talk about employment, we talk about skills - problem-solving, time management, conflict resolution, crisis response, strategic planning.
Tell me, what job requires these skills more than being a mother?
Project management? Try organizing a household, tracking medical appointments, scheduling classes, planning meals, and keeping up with developmental milestones.
Crisis management? Handling an emotional meltdown while making dinner and taking a work call.
User research? Every mom instinctively studies her child’s needs, behaviors, and preferences to create a system that works.
Event planning? Every birthday, playdate, and school fundraiser is proof of operational excellence.
I helped businesses before I had kids, but motherhood turned me into a CEO of a household, a logistics expert, and an emotional intelligence coach all at once.
And yet, if I were to put all of this on a resume, it would be reduced to a “career gap.”
The Need for Recognition (and Compensation?)
I appreciate that recent studies have started to quantify the economic value of a stay-at-home mom’s work. Some estimate that if moms were paid for all the roles they take on - teacher, chef, financial planner, chauffeur, therapist - it would amount to a six-figure salary.
Great. We now have data. But when will society start recognizing it?
We give unemployment benefits to those in between jobs.
We give sabbaticals to employees taking time for personal growth.
But what about moms who take a full-time, unpaid role for years?
What if momployment came with its own form of financial independence - some kind of stipend, support, or tax credit? Maybe then, fewer women would feel the pressure of choosing between caregiving and career survival.
I’m a Mom AND…
After six years at home, I’ve realized I don’t need to choose between motherhood and ambition.
It’s not “either-or”; it’s “this AND that.”
💡 I’m a mom AND an entrepreneur.
💡 I’m a mom AND a creative.
💡 I’m a mom AND a business strategist.
💡 I’m a mom AND a builder of communities.
I spent years thinking I had lost my professional identity, but in reality, I had been shaping a new one all along.
Let’s Change the Narrative Together.
This conversation is bigger than just me. Millions of moms wonder:
> How do I re-enter the workforce without losing myself?
> How do I articulate the value of my experiences?
> How do I reclaim my financial independence while still being present for my family?
That’s why I created Empower the Gap - a movement dedicated to normalizing career gaps and turning them into growth opportunities. I’m on a journey to not only change this narrative, but collaborate & create a foundation where career gaps are viewed as a period of growth, transition & transformation.
If this resonates with you:
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It’s time to stop seeing career breaks as setbacks and start seeing them as launchpads. Let’s do this together! 💪
It's a horrible question. Why do we always start there? Let's change that narrative.